When I am walking on the street...

...I am often stopped and asked this question, "Dave, you are such a big shot. What do you do at your job that has let you have such an amazing lifestyle? How can I be as big a success as you?"

Well people, that question is not a very easy one to answer. Even for one as clever as me. I have spent a long time mastering many skills to become the poster child of hottness that my fans see me as. I do what it takes to be a success without hesitation and without any regrets. If you are going to rise to the top, you have to do everything that is apart of your goal with fierce tenacity and not allow yourself to take tempting short cuts. It is not an easy road with harrowing twists and turns. The road to success does not always lead to grand rewards. More than once I have had to set aside things that I have wanted, because they would have distracted me from achieving complete success. A tortured soul is the price that seems to be required if you are to make it big. Be cut throat and take full advantage of opportunity when it comes your way. It is not often that circumstances are going to align in your favor. You have to be able to force the world to rearrange itself according to your plans. You have to take what you need and make it yours, but you don't have to be selfish. Do not let yourself be perverted by greed or conquered by ravenousness. Strength comes from being honorable towards you fellow man. Respect must be given before it is received. Be noble, but more importantly, be persistent and you will not have to search for success you will create it.

Seriously, at my job we have to do these very silly staff appraisals every year. I thought it would be entertaining to put mine online. If you have to so something like this for your job then feel free to steal mine. Also feel free to comment on how I make a living, but remember that I am taking names and anything that is said that is nasty will be remembered when I have become a very wealthy writer (that is an oxymoron isn't it?).

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***EDIT***

On second thought it probably isn't a good idea to post something like this...